I just felt like writing this... random thoughts.. free flowing.. moving..
I've been trying to iron things out. Trying to get an explanation why one plus one is not equals to two; why the square root of 25 is not five.
I have invested. And initially, I did not expect a return of it. But later on, as time went by, I felt that I need an ROI. Probably because I'm always hearing in the corporate world that ROI is the measure of the success of something. I just cant give and give without receiving anything. I have grown impatient. I thought I was just wasting my time and my effort.
I scrutinize every facet of that diamond that sparkles in my mind for the last few months. This gem that I learned to appreciate. The more I examine it closer, the more it moved away.Going farther. Until I cannot see even the littlest recognizable spark it has.
Something struck me. A bitter truth and realization. The glamour it emits, the charm it releases and its special uniqueness is not intended for me. I was just one of the billions of expectator in the crowd. I was awed. I was amazed. I was mesmerized. But that precious treasure I have fallen for is not emitting its light for me. It's beauty is bound to somewhere else. I was just sharing. I was just begging.
I was broken, again. Like a glass door hit by a ball, I shattered into pieces. So broken that I have to crawl down to bring the pieces back together. And doing it is freaking painful.
I'm just so glad that I have a God. I have accepted the fact that He is my Lord and my healer. That no matter how wounded, broken, rotten, and miserable I am, He will still bandage me with care and love. He will hold me until I heal. He will be my crutch until I can walk on my own again. And He will be forever there beside me even if times I dont want HIm to be.
I am healing. We all are. The truth hurts, especially if it's a bitter truth. But it sets you free. It allows you to move on. Be better. Above all of this, God is with me. He is the only Truth that doesnt hurt. He is the Only truth that leads to the right way and gives everlasting Life.
[Written March 7, 2011 at 7:51 PM]